Forgiveness - The best dish to serve

A little while ago I had an e-mail arrive in my inbox from someone who I’d known for a little while and hadn’t always got along with particularly well. The e-mail was entitled ‘forgiveness’. 

Within the e-mail the person described an incident where I had told them something which (in their words) they had later found out to be untrue. They wanted to write to me to tell me they had forgiven me for this (this was the first I'd heard of this).

The first thing to note here is that this was a simple misunderstanding rather than an untruth. To be honest, that isn’t as important, because despite the misunderstanding, it was a really interesting and helpful thing for me to reflect on.

Forgiveness is often something we feel we need to give to people. The most helpful teaching I’ve heard on this however is from Steve Goss on the Freedom in Christ course. He says this:

One of the key things we need to understand is that, although forgiveness is something we extend to others, the real issue when it comes to forgiveness is not so much between us and the other person. It is between us and God because He is the one who commands us to forgive.

If someone has offended you, you don’t go to them, you go to God. Your need to forgive others is first and foremost an issue between you and God. If you think about it, there is logic in that because your freedom cannot be dependent on other people — otherwise it could not be guaranteed.

It is for your sake that you forgive. Imagine a woman whose husband has left her for someone else. That is painful — and we don’t want to trivialise it in any way. She might say, “I’m not ready to forgive him”. She’s effectively saying. “By staying angry, I’m getting my own back on him.” Her ex is probably travelling round the world, going to parties, having a good time. The fact that she is sitting there resentful, bitter and angry only hurts her, not him.

This e-mail, when it came in, was, for me, a really helpful reminder about this principle which I fully endorse but sometimes forget. It is very easy for me to walk around feeling some degree of annoyance or anger towards someone for something they did a long time ago. Like the woman in the story above however, this doesn’t do anyone, especially me, any good.

I often spend a good amount of time coming before the Lord asking for forgiveness for the many things I do, say, don't do or simply think! This e-mail encouraged me to also spend some time forgiving others for the things done to me, releasing that hold on my life before God, and allowing him to minister to me.

I wonder if we should do more of this? Confession is one of the pillars of our liturgical services, but forgiveness – whilst declared – is never something we are encouraged to offer. Would this work? With the correct teaching surrounding it then maybe it would?

I also know that sometimes, forgiveness is really hard.

Someone played a game with me the other day, where they state two things and you have to choose which is more you. Things like Strawberry or Chocolate ice cream…. That sort of thing (Chocolate, obviously) - They snuck in, Forgiveness or Revenge.

Revenge, particularly in our culture today, is the preferred method of dealing with someone who wrongs us in some way, but scripture tells us multiple times to forgive. Forgiveness is countercultural, but if we are to be obedient to His word, we must do it.

The cross is ultimately a symbol of love and of forgiveness - A love which makes up for all of our sins.

I have a little saying which, when I remember, is very helpful to me. It is simply ‘I can forgive a little, because I have been forgiven much’.

By this I mean, compared to the things for which I know I have been forgiven, I should have no trouble forgiving others - even if it does feel hard sometimes.

If you feel resentment towards someone this week, maybe spend some time bringing the situation before the Lord, and asking both forgiveness for your part in it, but also forgiving them. Maybe add a moment to your daily prayer where you offer forgiveness to anyone you need to from the day, even if it’s just the man who cut you up at the roundabout. Release them, and the hook which they place into your life. You’ll feel better for it I’m sure.