Is it time to go on a diet?

If you have known me for any length of time, then I have probably been on a diet at some point in our time of knowing each another. My weight has gone up and down over most of my life and being honest, it’s usually dependant on how life is treating me with either boredom or stress…

My lovely wife Jess worked, until very recently, with people who have issues with stress or anxiety. Over eating is often a symptom and she gave me a book which was due to help me with this issue.

I dutifully read it, and the basic premise, as far as I could understand, was to ‘stop worrying about weight, be kind to yourself, do what you like, don’t weigh yourself and don’t be that person who, every time a treat comes out, asks can I really have this?’

This seemed a great ‘diet book’ to me and I decided I would indeed be kind to myself, I wouldn’t look at stuff anymore and say ‘oh no, I couldn’t possibly’.

You can probably see where this is going….

Sadly, I’ve put on about a stone since adopting this policy… It’s a happy stone, but it’s still another stone!

Clearly, the advice needs to be moderated a little… yes, do be kind to yourself, but actually eating well and exercise are important too, I probably can’t take my eye off the ball completely.

Sometimes, life with God can have its similarities. If we don’t keep our eye on the ball, we may end up spiritually unfit. It’s very easy for us to say ‘oh it’s OK, life is a bit busy at the moment' or 'I’ll stop and pray for that later' or 'I’ll read my bible another day'.

I had the privilege of being with some of the 20s and 30s from a small group at St Paul’s on Sunday evening, and we had a chance that evening to simply stop what we were doing and draw near to God in whatever way worked best for us individually. A couple of them commented that they rarely give themselves time to do this – and there have been times in the last few years, months and even weeks - when I would have really echoed that comment.

I've been better at it in more recent years, mostly because it's something I've worked hard on to practice, but even now, I can't afford to take my eye off the ball.

I’ve committed to praying the daily office each day as I promised I would at ordination, but liturgy is not the way I always (although do sometimes) best draw close to God. Sometimes, even just over the last few weeks, I’ve ended up seeing this as something I need to ‘do’ rather than a way to better invest in a relationship. At those times I needed to stop and work out a way of engaging with Him better, I've not always remembered.

Each and every time over the last few years that I have drawn closer to God, and given him space to speak, it has a special and wonderful time. Often God will reveal things to me, often I’ll simply come away refreshed, almost always I'll think afterwards ‘why on earth do I not do that more often?’ – and then some time would pass (even just a few hours) and I’d get distracted.

But life always gets in the way, stuff always gets in the way. Bill Hyballs has written an excellent book called 'Too busy not to pray' - I think this is a really helpful idea, we need to be people who realise that it all depends on God, rather than on us! If you're an activist like me, this is not always easy!

We do of course need to allow ourselves time to do the things in life which pay the bills, which get food on the table, balance is important. We need to not allow ourselves to simply end up doing too much 'stuff' that we take our eyes off God. To be distracted, and here, for me at least, is also a way in which the enemy can attack. He gives us distractions and whispers to us that we simply don’t have the time, that the e-mails are too important for us to leave, or that we must spend more time researching that left handed sproggat we need. But these things are not important, this is a lie, nothing is more important. 

So this gives us a both/and - we need to pray protection, but we also need to put this into practice so we don't slip into bad habits.

When I was in my late teen's I had a little dog who I walked every day at the same time. I was blessed to live in the lakes and so every morning I would shout the dog and just walk in the fields by my house. He would, often without lead or direction follow faithfully beside me. I always did this before college and so was usually very tired. One particularly morning I picked up his lead, walked out the door and did my usual walk, which was about 20 minutes. When I returned home and walked up the drive I looked up at the lounge window only to see the dog staring back at me not looking amused. I had managed to go on the walk and forgotten the sole purpose of it. The dog.  

I expect you’re all much holier than I am, but just maybe, like me, you need a nudge that whilst you absolutely should be kind to youself, you also need to get on and do it. To not be too distracted by the walk, that you forget it’s purpose.

As for the diet, it’s time for me to start one again… but maybe tomorrow…

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)

Forgiveness - The best dish to serve

A little while ago I had an e-mail arrive in my inbox from someone who I’d known for a little while and hadn’t always got along with particularly well. The e-mail was entitled ‘forgiveness’. 

Within the e-mail the person described an incident where I had told them something which (in their words) they had later found out to be untrue. They wanted to write to me to tell me they had forgiven me for this (this was the first I'd heard of this).

The first thing to note here is that this was a simple misunderstanding rather than an untruth. To be honest, that isn’t as important, because despite the misunderstanding, it was a really interesting and helpful thing for me to reflect on.

Forgiveness is often something we feel we need to give to people. The most helpful teaching I’ve heard on this however is from Steve Goss on the Freedom in Christ course. He says this:

One of the key things we need to understand is that, although forgiveness is something we extend to others, the real issue when it comes to forgiveness is not so much between us and the other person. It is between us and God because He is the one who commands us to forgive.

If someone has offended you, you don’t go to them, you go to God. Your need to forgive others is first and foremost an issue between you and God. If you think about it, there is logic in that because your freedom cannot be dependent on other people — otherwise it could not be guaranteed.

It is for your sake that you forgive. Imagine a woman whose husband has left her for someone else. That is painful — and we don’t want to trivialise it in any way. She might say, “I’m not ready to forgive him”. She’s effectively saying. “By staying angry, I’m getting my own back on him.” Her ex is probably travelling round the world, going to parties, having a good time. The fact that she is sitting there resentful, bitter and angry only hurts her, not him.

This e-mail, when it came in, was, for me, a really helpful reminder about this principle which I fully endorse but sometimes forget. It is very easy for me to walk around feeling some degree of annoyance or anger towards someone for something they did a long time ago. Like the woman in the story above however, this doesn’t do anyone, especially me, any good.

I often spend a good amount of time coming before the Lord asking for forgiveness for the many things I do, say, don't do or simply think! This e-mail encouraged me to also spend some time forgiving others for the things done to me, releasing that hold on my life before God, and allowing him to minister to me.

I wonder if we should do more of this? Confession is one of the pillars of our liturgical services, but forgiveness – whilst declared – is never something we are encouraged to offer. Would this work? With the correct teaching surrounding it then maybe it would?

I also know that sometimes, forgiveness is really hard.

Someone played a game with me the other day, where they state two things and you have to choose which is more you. Things like Strawberry or Chocolate ice cream…. That sort of thing (Chocolate, obviously) - They snuck in, Forgiveness or Revenge.

Revenge, particularly in our culture today, is the preferred method of dealing with someone who wrongs us in some way, but scripture tells us multiple times to forgive. Forgiveness is countercultural, but if we are to be obedient to His word, we must do it.

The cross is ultimately a symbol of love and of forgiveness - A love which makes up for all of our sins.

I have a little saying which, when I remember, is very helpful to me. It is simply ‘I can forgive a little, because I have been forgiven much’.

By this I mean, compared to the things for which I know I have been forgiven, I should have no trouble forgiving others - even if it does feel hard sometimes.

If you feel resentment towards someone this week, maybe spend some time bringing the situation before the Lord, and asking both forgiveness for your part in it, but also forgiving them. Maybe add a moment to your daily prayer where you offer forgiveness to anyone you need to from the day, even if it’s just the man who cut you up at the roundabout. Release them, and the hook which they place into your life. You’ll feel better for it I’m sure. 

When ‘God’ Says No

I announced at the age of 3 that I wanted to be Archbishop of Allonby. For those of you who don’t know, Allonby is a very tiny village on the west coast of Cumbria. My grandparents had a static caravan there, to which we would often go on holiday. Allonby did (when I last visited) have a small parish church, but certainly has no Cathedral or Archbishop’s seat. I can probably be forgiven for my lack of knowledge of episcopal oversight at such a young age, and you’ll also be pleased to know that my delusions of grandeur were to be short lived. 

This feeling of wanted to be a vicar, at least, never really went away and I explored this seriously when I was 16 or 17 and was told I was too young and to go off and do something else. This I did, and in the process, truthfully, moved away from God a little. The story of how I came back to my faith, now inhabiting it rather than inheriting it, is for another time (spoiler alert for my talk on Sunday evening!) but fast forward to 5 years ago, almost to the month, and I was sat in front of the Diocesan Director of Ordinands (Vicar training woman) about to hear if I had passed the SAS style selection process to be a Vicar called a Bishops Advisory Panel (BAP).

It was a no.

I can’t quite put down in this blog how completely and unutterably heart-breaking that moment was. Even in my time away from church I knew, somewhere deep down, this was what God had called me to, and what I would one day be doing. I was 26 at the time, and so on some level that was 23 years of belief and hope tied up in one moment, only to be broken to smithereens. 

I’m not sure if it was helpful or not, but those around me told me that they were as confused as I was. My DDO agreed I could study part time whilst we worked out what to do next and my vicar was, unusually for him, lost for words.

A close and wise clergy friend of mine said to me at the time “I’m not sure I have ever fully trusted the process of BAPs, but I do trust God to work through the process.” This simply made me a bit angry at God (to be honest) rather than doing anything to help! (At the time anyway).

What was God doing?! Why had ‘God’ said no?

I use the inverted commas because in this instance it wasn’t, actually, God who wrote to me and said ‘no’. It was the panel secretary of the BAP. But when you feel called to something, so deeply, so passionately it’s hard not to hear it as God saying no.

Today is a different story however. Oh the benefit of hindsight! If I were to have my time again I wouldn’t have done it much differently, and certainly wouldn't have done the timing any differently.

Once my vicar re-found his words (it didn’t take long) his thoughts were to the effect of:

“You have no idea why it was a no. It could be as simple as God having the perfect curacy and the perfect first, second and third incumbencies lined up for you, but the timing not being quite right this time round.”

Certainly my calling to St Paul’s (again, a story for another time) feels a little like God has been lining it up, timing wise, for some time.

I do, however, remember all too well that feeling I had 5 years ago. It is so easy for us to become stuck in the moment, to see it from our perspective, to think, even if we don’t say “but God, surely you must understand I am right” – but we don’t see as he does. It says in 1 Corinthians “For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength” – Sometimes we look at our own thoughts and our own wisdom and believe them to be perfect, but in comparison to God’s, it’s foolishness.

There are so many reasons why rubbish things happen, why God can, at times, appear to say no, or simply to remain silent. It’s one of my favourite topics, so I’m sure that in time it will appear here a bit more fully:

At my second BAP one of the assessors said “According to your references you have a fantastic theology of suffering, I’d love to hear it”.

I did, in that moment, feel a bit like the proverbial rabbit in headlights. I was completely convinced he’d read that in someone else’s report, and for a moment I was unable to speak. Nonetheless, I said something along the lines of this:

Throughout my life I’ve experienced a lot of rubbish, from my father dying at a young age, through to less important relationship issues and problems at work. Many of these things I wish hadn’t happened, many of them, I prayed for God to intervene in and then questioned why he hadn’t. As I look back I realise however that he always did. Not in the way I often hoped or imagined, but he always has. Ephesians warns us to be on our guard because our enemy prowls round, waiting to attack. This is right of course, and often he does attack, often he causes things to happen in this world which we would much rather didn’t happen. But God can, and does take the worst that the enemy, and this world can throw at us and weaves it into something far more beautiful than we will ever imagine.

Today, I want to encourage you. If you’re sat looking at the world, feeling like all is lost, things can and will get better. God will work, even the darkest of days into Good. God’s timing is perfect, and his love endures forever.

And a disclaimer - if you feel this post feels a little hopeless, like I'm suggesting God doesn't intervene in very real ways, in the moment, and that prayer hasn't worked - please read one of my previous posts which will prove that is not what I think at all! There is a truth in the 'now and the not yet' of the kingdom of God. The previous posts have largely focussed on the now, this one focusses on the not yet. This is almost certainly another topic I'll revisit at a later date! 

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. (Micah 7:7-8)