In mid January I preached on my favourite passage of scripture, Ephesians 1:15-24 - Paul's prayer to the Ephesian church. If you were there I wonder if you can remember what I said? Don't worry, it's not a test, January was, I think, 350 years ago!
As part of my talk, I mentioned the fact that Jess and I expect to move on from St Paul's at some point over the next 12 months. Curacies are meant to be just over 3 years in Coventry diocese, and I'll have been here 3 years in July. I talked about needing to trust God in the uncertainty of what was to come.... how little I knew!
I've lost count of the number of times I've been asked recently 'how's this whole global pandemic affecting the job search?' (or words to that effect). In case you're also wondering the quick answer is that largely things are on hold until it's possible to visit and be interviewed by a church in person, and so there isn't much to report - but saying this usually brings the response of 'oh wow, that must be really hard for you? You must be feeling really uncertain?'.
As people have said this I've found myself wondering - is it hard? It feels like it should be hard, it feels like I should be waking up each day and begin with a period of screaming at the top of my voice. Or perhaps, whenever anyone asks, simply replying with a high pitched "I'M FINE" (ref Ross on the TV show Friends).
But I'm not doing these things - not about this anyway - the reality is, I actually am fine, and it set me wondering why?
It could be of course, that like so many people, I'm so distracted by everything else going on at the moment I don't have time to panic about any future possible job. Perhaps all my 'panic and unsettled emotions' are focussed on world events, not what's next for the Tams family. I'm not sure it's just that.
When I spoke in January I told the story of being at a swimming pool with Jacob and his grandparents. He decided that he wanted to try getting in on his own, and so, wearing as many floatation devices as it was possible for me to strap onto him, he tentatively lowered himself into the pool. Fine - no dramas. He wanted to do it again, this time (because an Aunt or his Grandpa had I think) he wanted to jump in - OK - I was now significantly more nervous.
Jacob not only jumped in, but dive bombed into the pool, fully going under, probably touching the bottom - possibly, in my imagination at least, visiting the ancient city of Atlantis - before bobbing up to the top. My heart was in my mouth expecting the full on toddler meltdown which was certain to ensue. As he came to the surface, he laughed, ran out of the pool and did it again, and again, and again. He trusted the floats (far more than I did) and was fearless in the face of, what others (certainly I) might see as dangerous uncertainty.
I've been drawn to this story and this Ephesians passage again as I've reflected on this over the last few days.
I've know levels of uncertainty before, I'm sure we all have. OK, fair enough, I've never lived through a lockdown, a pandemic or anything like this, most people haven't - but I've known fear of what might or might not happen next. I've know uncertainty over a possible future house or job, or even spouse - these are all things I'm sure we've been through, or perhaps are going through alongside this current situation. Through them all, one thing has been constant - God has been faithful. In some things I'm still working out what His faithfulness looks or looked like, but I know it's true.
What's my point? Well Joyce Meyer puts it like this: "we don't need to have more self confidence, we need to have more God confidence"
I am at peace about our future job, because I know God has got it in hand. I know that He will be faithful, because I know He has always been faithful. Maybe, just maybe, I need to transfer some of this trust, some of this faith into the current world events.
If we find our hope in our future, if we find security in our circumstance, or if we find our peace in something else, we'll find, time and time again, that these things don't stand up to testing.
What can we do then?
I'm currently re-reading through the Bible in One Year, and we've not long since finished reading Numbers. Here we read of the exile and the many years that God's faithful people spent in the wilderness. I was struck afresh by Moses' response to the uncertainty and times of trial they faced. Time and time again, the scriptures repeat "Moses did as the Lord commanded him". Moses had faith and trusted in God, he took each day as it came - and simply followed as the Lord commanded.
Today I want some more of that, for every area of my life - trust and obedience to what God commands us to do for today. Or to put it another way, with Jesus' own words:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:25-27)
As I've written this, the song Cornerstone has been going through my head - you can find a link to it here, but here are some glorious lyrics in this old hymn, made new.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
Then later...
Through the Storm, He is Lord, Lord of all
Amen
P.S. (In case it needs saying) Just a quick health warning - please don't worry, this isn't a crazy evangelical saying "ignore the restrictions, do what you like, the Lord will protect". Do what the government says, be safe, of course - but ultimately, I believe what Paul is calling us to - what the whole of scripture calls us to - is to find our hope, security and ultimately our peace in God. Or to put it another way -
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