Apparently I'm fallible

So yesterday we went to the lovely Nat and Bruce's wedding in beautiful Perthshire. I've known Nat for many, many years and it was such a lovely time spent watching them both join together. Everything was running a little behind, largely due to the Scottish 'summer' weather, and we ended up leaving a little bit later than we had anticipated. We arrived back at Glasgow airport very late last night with a tired and grumpy baby. By the time we arrived we were very much ready to check into our hotel for the night before then getting up for our 5am flight the next morning.

We got our bags out of the car, went to reception and asked for our key. The lady looked very confused, convinced she had all her rooms occupied. I gave her my reservation (which I had printed and brought with me, along with every other piece of paper I would possibly need, and a lot I wouldn't) and began to get a little annoyed.

After a few minutes of confused murmuring from the receptionist she looked at me with very sorrow filled eyes:

"I'm so sorry Sir, this reservation is for Gatwick Airport, not Glasgow" 

You can pause here to have a good laugh at me... it's ok.. the pain is no longer raw.... 

Momentarily confused, I checked and she was, indeed, correct. We had a room, patiently waiting for us some 440 miles away.

Now this spun me into some strange and confusing emotions... not only was I very angry with myself (I called myself some names which I later had to pray forgiveness for) I was confused, tired and with a family in need of a bed. Literally none of the airport hotels (of which there are, I think, 9) had a room, nor did any of the rooms within 10/15 minutes of the airport. 

I finally found a room in the centre of Glasgow, which as I was booking it on the day, cost many many pounds, we arrived around an hour after arriving at the first hotel.

Here's the thing, this is not like me at all. I am 'Mr Organised'. I have a mug which says "If prayer doesn't work, use a spreadsheet" and was so proud of the spreadsheet which 'ran' our wedding, it even got a mention by Dan in the sermon. 

So what happened? Well, it appears I am fallible... Who knew it? Jess does - she purchased me a plaque which hangs proudly on my wall, it says "I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining why I'm right"- I think she hoped it would shame me, I'm not sure it did! 

So yes, the lesson this week is I'm fallible. I suspect this means you are as well... even in the areas of life which you think you've 'got covered' - sometimes tiredness, or just other life stuff can sneak in and take over. 

Please don't worry - I'm not quite arrogant enough to think that I'm always right, I obviously learnt this lesson for the first time a long time ago. Sometimes, however, particularly when it hits areas of life which I feel are really in my comfort zone, it comes as a bit of a shock and slaps me round the face.

But that's OK, because God isn't fallible, God is perfect - he would have booked Glasgow airport and got a better deal (although I'm not sure what Jess would have said if I presented her with a stable) - so whilst perfectionism, and striving for it, is not a bad thing, forgetting our own human nature can be.

So, my thought this week? 

Be kind to yourself, as I try to be kind to myself. I'll forgive myself in a few days, perhaps once the Credit Card bill has been paid off! Until that happens, I know that I'm already forgiven for this mistake, and the many more I make each day by our perfect, infallible and awesome God.

P.S. I'm sorry this is a) late and b) shorter than usual - I'm fallible... 

Light in the Darkness

Sammy (the dog) had his 7 week groom today and when I booked his next one in I was astounded to find I was booking it in for October already. Where has this year gone? Perhaps it’s the weather, but I’m feeling more than ever, that the autumn and soon the winter are coming round very quickly.

One of the things which is contributing to this feeling is the ‘events’ which I’m beginning to see some of my friends are interested in on Facebook. Many of these events have a Halloween based theme, one of them was a ‘Day of the Dead’ similar to the now real event at the start of the latest Bond film. Looking at these events at face value they appear harmless enough. Maybe a big fire, lots of costumes, some fireworks, maybe some music – but I’m uneasy… Whilst All Souls is a valid Christian celebration (topic for another time) it's morphing into Halloween and, perhaps, the celebration of darkness which is attached to it can not be a good thing.

Ephesians says “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” – Just before this verse we’re told to wear the spiritual armour of God, to protect ourselves and to be a soldier in the battle.

I wonder if in attending events like this ‘we’ are allowing the evil one space to win battles, both in our own lives and in the lives of our communities. I do wonder if we really appreciate the consequence of some of the things we do, or even just the things we sit back and watch our families and our friends do.

I’m not suggesting we all go out and get placards like Father Ted (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9xuXQjxMM) - but perhaps we need to be more honest with ourselves and with others about the effects these things have.

I have often thought that the devils greatest weapon and his biggest success in the struggles which Ephesians speaks about is our own complacency when it comes to his existence. I wonder if the battles, which do exist, are now things which the majority of the world, and perhaps even some of us have consigned to the story books or to tales of haunted houses.

But this stuff is real, and it deserves our attention – not our focus, but our attention. It doesn’t need our focus, because that belongs to God, but we need to be aware of it – to ask the question, when something goes wrong – what is really happening here? And to not be afraid to pray for and about it.

One of my all time favourite films, since it’s release in the early 90s is the Lion King. There is a scene where Simba goes to the ‘elephant’s graveyard’ despite the fact that his dad tells him not to. He gets cornered by some very nasty looking hyenas and it’s looking like Simba is going to be lunch. Then, from no where, his Dad turns up, this huge lion – and the whole situation changes. If you’ve not seen it, you can watch the scene here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x49NwjnwDUw).

This isn’t a bad (but not perfect) illustration of why we don’t need to be afraid. Without God, we are a bit like Simba, pretty powerless, but with God, we have his power and his might. We are and can be soldiers in the fight; if you don’t believe that this is the case then ask yourself why Ephesians tells you to put on your armour.

Bill Hybals in his book ‘Too Busy not to Pray’ says - It is Critical to remember that, despite the victory God has achieved over Satan in the ministry and resurrection of Christ, not everything is submitted to God yet. The enemy is still very active. His time is short, and the end is sure, but in the mean time he remains a prince of this world, opposing the ways of God at every turn. 

He may cause suffering and pain, he may seem, especially when we look at the news, to have the upper hand, but God WILL have the final say. He WILL assert his universal sovereignty in salvation. As Revelation promises “God will wipe every tear from their eyes, there will be no more death, no more mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

God brings his light even into the darkest of situations, as Psalm 139 reminds us, even darkness is as light to Him. We don’t need to be afraid, we just need to be people who walk in that light.

A vicar friend of mine tells me that he once chatted with a Christian who had previously been some form of pagan priestly figure based in Glastonbury. He said that when he was a pagan he could see things within the spiritual realms. Whenever he met a Christian they would have a light within them but 99 times out of a 100 they walked around, in the spiritual realms, hunched over the light, as if the world was weighing them down.

Every so often they would walk past someone who’s light shone brightly, and they stood upright. It was those people they learned to cross the road to avoid.

I don’t know this person directly, and can’t affirm the stories validity, but I do trust the friend who told me to believe his account of it to be true.

Regardless, of what you think of it, it’s perhaps at the very least another good picture. I want to be someone who’s light shines brightly, who walks upright, not afraid, because – like Simba – I have my father, the greatest Lion of all, behind me, protecting me.

As I've written this, the song 'Great are you Lord' by 'All Sons and Daughters' has been buzzing round my head. I hope it might be helpful for someone. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHz0w-HG4iU)

Heart in worship....

I’m on holiday this week, and before you start thinking that I’ve so committed to the cause that I’m writing this whilst drinking a glass of vino in the pool, I haven’t… I’m writing it in advance, sorry about that! #sorrynotsorry

On Sunday morning we sung the song ‘My Lighthouse’ – it’s a favourite particularly with the kids, and has a great tune and some great lyrics. Have you considered it’s lyrics properly however? “My lighthouse, shining in the darkness, I will follow you” – When was the last time you followed a lighthouse? Surely you avoid them? Isn’t that the point?!

I need to thank some comedian who came to Trinity a few years ago for pointing this one out, but as I was preparing for Sunday’s worship, it got me thinking about other worship songs and how we can often end up blindly singing them.

Paul Baloche is one of my favourite worship song writers but really, is Jesus ‘like a rose, trampled on the ground’? What does that even mean?

The hymns don’t get away with it either – when was the last time you used the word ‘Potentate’? But we often sing it in our churches (Crown him with many Crowns) without a second thought. At least this makes sense (Potentate means ruler) but do we really expect people to know what it means? We may as well be singing in Latin again.

When in Nailsea the other worship leaders and I would often send new song ideas around for comment. One of them suggested a song with the opening line “Oh Grace what have you done, murdered for me on that cross” – I didn’t like it because I wasn’t convinced it would inspire the right feeling for worship, but I was tempted by it because it would, with language like that, make us to sit up and take note of what we were singing. 

How often do the things we sing pass us by without us really thinking about it?

I found this clip a few years ago and used it one of my talks, I expect it will appear at St Paul’s in the future….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGqw8F-Z-bg

If you can’t watch it, then essentially it’s a naughty take on the way we might sometimes worship… it’s changed some of the words of some songs to things like “I will sing of your love on Sundays”, “I surrender some” and “I stand amazed at my hairdo”

It’s a little naughty, but perhaps illustrates my point…. Do we need to think more when we worship, not simply trot off the lines, but really use them as a prayer?

Some of my favourite songs have lines like “spirit break out” or “break my heart for what breaks yours” but what are we thinking when we sing this? Are we truly expecting God’s spirit to break out? Are we trusting that it will? What would it mean if our hearts were broken for the things which break His?

The Choristers prayer, written in the 1930s got this right when it says “Lord, grant that what we sing with our lips we might believe in our hearts” If we don’t do this, are we just going through the motions. If that’s the case, really, what is the point?

I want to put the heart back into worship (that’s a lyric I can agree with!) to sing what I mean and to mean what I sing…. Will you join me?

Is it time to go on a diet?

If you have known me for any length of time, then I have probably been on a diet at some point in our time of knowing each another. My weight has gone up and down over most of my life and being honest, it’s usually dependant on how life is treating me with either boredom or stress…

My lovely wife Jess worked, until very recently, with people who have issues with stress or anxiety. Over eating is often a symptom and she gave me a book which was due to help me with this issue.

I dutifully read it, and the basic premise, as far as I could understand, was to ‘stop worrying about weight, be kind to yourself, do what you like, don’t weigh yourself and don’t be that person who, every time a treat comes out, asks can I really have this?’

This seemed a great ‘diet book’ to me and I decided I would indeed be kind to myself, I wouldn’t look at stuff anymore and say ‘oh no, I couldn’t possibly’.

You can probably see where this is going….

Sadly, I’ve put on about a stone since adopting this policy… It’s a happy stone, but it’s still another stone!

Clearly, the advice needs to be moderated a little… yes, do be kind to yourself, but actually eating well and exercise are important too, I probably can’t take my eye off the ball completely.

Sometimes, life with God can have its similarities. If we don’t keep our eye on the ball, we may end up spiritually unfit. It’s very easy for us to say ‘oh it’s OK, life is a bit busy at the moment' or 'I’ll stop and pray for that later' or 'I’ll read my bible another day'.

I had the privilege of being with some of the 20s and 30s from a small group at St Paul’s on Sunday evening, and we had a chance that evening to simply stop what we were doing and draw near to God in whatever way worked best for us individually. A couple of them commented that they rarely give themselves time to do this – and there have been times in the last few years, months and even weeks - when I would have really echoed that comment.

I've been better at it in more recent years, mostly because it's something I've worked hard on to practice, but even now, I can't afford to take my eye off the ball.

I’ve committed to praying the daily office each day as I promised I would at ordination, but liturgy is not the way I always (although do sometimes) best draw close to God. Sometimes, even just over the last few weeks, I’ve ended up seeing this as something I need to ‘do’ rather than a way to better invest in a relationship. At those times I needed to stop and work out a way of engaging with Him better, I've not always remembered.

Each and every time over the last few years that I have drawn closer to God, and given him space to speak, it has a special and wonderful time. Often God will reveal things to me, often I’ll simply come away refreshed, almost always I'll think afterwards ‘why on earth do I not do that more often?’ – and then some time would pass (even just a few hours) and I’d get distracted.

But life always gets in the way, stuff always gets in the way. Bill Hyballs has written an excellent book called 'Too busy not to pray' - I think this is a really helpful idea, we need to be people who realise that it all depends on God, rather than on us! If you're an activist like me, this is not always easy!

We do of course need to allow ourselves time to do the things in life which pay the bills, which get food on the table, balance is important. We need to not allow ourselves to simply end up doing too much 'stuff' that we take our eyes off God. To be distracted, and here, for me at least, is also a way in which the enemy can attack. He gives us distractions and whispers to us that we simply don’t have the time, that the e-mails are too important for us to leave, or that we must spend more time researching that left handed sproggat we need. But these things are not important, this is a lie, nothing is more important. 

So this gives us a both/and - we need to pray protection, but we also need to put this into practice so we don't slip into bad habits.

When I was in my late teen's I had a little dog who I walked every day at the same time. I was blessed to live in the lakes and so every morning I would shout the dog and just walk in the fields by my house. He would, often without lead or direction follow faithfully beside me. I always did this before college and so was usually very tired. One particularly morning I picked up his lead, walked out the door and did my usual walk, which was about 20 minutes. When I returned home and walked up the drive I looked up at the lounge window only to see the dog staring back at me not looking amused. I had managed to go on the walk and forgotten the sole purpose of it. The dog.  

I expect you’re all much holier than I am, but just maybe, like me, you need a nudge that whilst you absolutely should be kind to youself, you also need to get on and do it. To not be too distracted by the walk, that you forget it’s purpose.

As for the diet, it’s time for me to start one again… but maybe tomorrow…

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)