So those of you who have seen me, or my facebook picture, will have noticed a relatively dramatic change in me over the last few months - aside from that which comes from being honed into the perfect husband (ha) by Jess, the perfect father (ha ha) by Jacob, and the perfect curate (ha ha ha) by St Paul's.
I've lost a significant amount of weight - standard before and after photo below.
Why the blog?
Well, I've been asked about 10 times in the last 2 days how I've done it - the answer to this question is not one that can easily be given in a few moments caught in conversation. I'm writing this, in no means, by way of 'do this, and you, like me, can lose a life changing amount of weight' - I'm writing this, both for myself - and also, I hope, so you can understand a little more of my own journey with food/weight. If it helps you, then great - if it just sends you to sleep, well enjoy the rest!
Some History
I was, in fact, not at my heaviest in this photo on the left - here I was around 230lb (16st 6lb, 104.32kg), and the heaviest weight I've been was when I was ordained in 2017 when I was 242lb - (17st 4, 109.79kg). In truth, I've spent most of certainly the last 10 years (for how long I've been keeping track) at around the 230lb mark - and so the picture is a good indication of how most who have known me will have seen me.
Whilst I was a normal weight as a young child, I was overweight by the time I was 12/13 and have often straddled the BMI barrier between overweight and obese since then.
I've had two 'successful' (ish) attempts at losing weight in my life. One when I was 17, when - because of a love interest, I gave up meat. Given I didn't eat vegetables, this meant my diet consisted exclusively of Linda McCartney sausages, potatoes and cheese - whilst the BMI calculator told me I was 'healthy' I'm not convinced with a diet like that, it could ever have been considered 'healthy'. As soon as the love interest wained, so did my desire to be vegetarian. In eating meat, I suddenly (and unsurprisingly) put on all the weight.
The second attempt was not all that long ago - I got down to 207lb (14st 11lb, 93.89kg) in the later part of 2015. Sadly, shortly after I reached this weight (which I maintained for a couple of months) Jess and I experienced a miscarriage - as I'll explore shortly, my 'emotional' eating, led to me reaching, eventually, my heaviest ever weight of 242lb.
As of today I am 188lb this is 13st 6lb or 85.26kg and crucially - for the first time since I was 17 - within the 'healthy' range for my height. I am not yet finished losing weight, my plan is to be a little under 13 stone (someone said yesterday, leave a little space for Christmas!) this means I can afford to put on a few pounds occasionally, whilst still being healthy. I am, however, not, as concentrated on the goal of losing weight as I was, but recognise that now begins the equally hard task of maintenance.
What hasn't worked
I mentioned above that I've been tracking my weight for 10 years, that isn't an exaggeration - in fact, I have been doing it for much longer, most of my adult life - I just have the records (mostly on my phone) for the last 10 years. This is because I've spent much of the last 10 years constantly aware of my weight, constantly aware of the health risks it poses, and constantly trying different diets. I have, over time, tried Slimming World, Weight Watchers, 5:2 fasting, the Mediterranean diet, compassionate eating, and the 'don't eat anything other than healthy food and go to the gym a lot diet' (largely created by me, which is what saw me lose the weight in 2015).
All of these diets have a number of flaws, the main one being I get bored really easily, and when you get bored or when life gets tough - you slip back into old habits.
What has worked this time
The weight loss has been gradual but also in stages - I began to lose weight after I was ordained in 2017, firstly by simply being careful - here I got down to my normal 'low' weight of 220lbs 99.79kg, 15 stone 10. This is a weight I've been at a number of times, and one I could achieve fairly easily by being a little more careful. It made a reasonable difference on the way I looked and felt - and given I'd started at 242, represented nearly 10% of my body weight (Weight Watchers initial goal).
I then got a bit stuck and was still at 220lbs in January this year.
A number of things happened in January which spurred a renewed energy for weight loss. They come under 3 categories - each, I think are important.
Emotional
I've hinted above that weight loss, for me, has had an emotional connection - this has always been the case, and I suspect my weight gain as a child has some connection with the loss of my father when I was very young. Food has always been a reward for me, and a way of 'comforting'. Somewhat oddly, I would get low about the fact I was fat, and I'd make myself feel better - temporarily at least - by eating a burger, or a large bar of chocolate - and then I'd feel even worse for the same!
I know these were poor thought processes, but as with many of these - it's hard to get out of it.
I did three things, all around the same time which changed my thinking -
Firstly, as I begun the 'Bible in One Year' - I was struck, afresh by Jesus' words "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word which comes from the mouth of God" - this reliance on food as my 'crutch' was, I realised, counter to God's design for me - and it should be Him who I rely on in times of difficulty. Whilst I can't honestly say that in the moment, I have never again 'comfort eaten' in the last 6 months - it has given me the motivation to think differently about how I respond to the difficult times which I've continued to have.
Secondly I read an article online (which sadly I've been unable to find) which said that the number one reason people fail to lose weight is that they start a diet, get bored or have a bad day/weekend/week or even month, put back on much of the weight they've lost and then give in. I was preparing a preach at the time, and realised the similarity between this - and sin. The reason people get caught into a web of sin, is they do something they shouldn't and suddenly think, if only subconsciously 'oh well, I've done it once - I may as well continue'. This fairly basic statement became very real to me for the first time - and I realised what I should have realised a long time ago, that if I slip (which I have a number of times over the last 6 months) it isn't a reason to give up - it's a reason to pick myself up, perhaps work a little harder for a few days, and to keep pressing on.
The third reason is probably the most important emotionally. In January we found out that the baby Jess was carrying (yay) was a girl. I was hit by a range of emotions, including a memory of my sister's wedding day, and a feeling of sadness that I had that her father (and mine) wasn't there to walk her down the aisle. My dad passed away because of a heart issue caused by his lifestyle (both weight and smoking). I was determined at that point, that this wasn't going to be the story for our daughter (or indeed Jacob, my son). This motivation has also been key in the 'picking myself up again' which I talked about in the previous point.
So, that was the reasoning behind the push this year - but the simple science remains. It's not possible to lose weight unless the net number of calories you exert is greater than the number of calories you input into your body. Any fancy diet boils down to this simple maths!
Diet
In late December I watched a couple of YouTube videos about sugar, the best one is a BBC documentary from 2015 found here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4LzSH9qU_Q
I was a little surprised to hear a number of things through these programmes.
1) That sugar is, almost literally, in everything we eat - it's added to make food last longer and taste better.
2) That we, as a nation and the western world, are addicted to sugar.
3) That sugar is fast catching up with smoking as the number one cause of death (through diabetes and weight) in this country (it may even have now overtaken, I've not checked).
I love sugar, I love sweet things, I love chocolate - but I began to wonder through watching these programs if I was addicted to sugar. One of them showed someone taking part in a sugar fast - and I committed to do this over the next month.
In fact, spurred on from the motivation above, I managed 6 weeks in which I ate no added sugar. I allowed myself fruit (although given I was still a 17 year old a heart, this was more, I ate fruit, rather than allowed) and didn't worry about sugar which natural occurs - but didn't have added sugar, or a similar product (including honey/syrup). I'm very grateful, especially to Jess, for the faff that this was for our daily diet!
You go through a number of different stages - from the expected withdrawal symptoms (I had shakes and headaches, and my bowels did not wish for me to give up sugar) to an emotional hatred of the stuff - I'm still angry with ASDA who have no sugar in their normal breadsticks, and yet have put sugar in their 'kids small breadsticks' - WHY?!
One of the most interesting things, once I'd got through the initial couple of weeks, was I discovered I wasn't hungry anywhere near as much as I had been. I would eat three meals a day, and in those 6 weeks, didn't eat particularly healthy food (I regularly had bacon on no added sugar bread (which is really hard to find - Waitrose Farmhouse being my favourite) but I still lost weight because I wasn't eating anywhere near what I had been.
After 6 weeks, I'd lost another 10lbs, and felt even better than I had before. I was nearly back to the weight I'd been in 2015 and able to wear some of the clothes I'd purchased at that time.
I then took a break (as explained below) for a couple of weeks until the end of March. Despite going back to eating sugar, I maintained the weight I had managed to lose.
I now eat sugar most days, but rarely eat any after around 2pm (the same rule I have with coffee) - we try to buy 'sugar free' alternatives where possible, but we don't allow it to stop us eating out (which is nearly impossible when you are strictly sugar free by the way - GBK burger on an vegan (sour dough) bun is the only thing I found - again not healthy, but sugar free!). Doing this means that I don't 'snack' late into the evening - which on the days when I fail (which are occasional) I find I then do again. Having a bar of chocolate at 7pm means I'm hungry again at 7:30pm and again, and again, and again.
Exercise
One of the key differences this time to last time has been the fact that I didn't try to do everything at once. Being sugar free for 6 weeks was incredibly hard, and so aside from walking to work occasionally - I didn't even try to do any additional exercise. Once I'd settled into a diet which worked for me, which was basically eating what I liked, but just watching sugar (in early March) I decided that I also need to improve my heart health with some form of exercise. I'd tried running in the past and hated it, and enjoyed the Gym - but always found the hardest part of the gym was summoning up the will power to leave the house.
I decided I'd give the couch to 5k programme another try - this is an NHS led programme which you can find more details of here -
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/couch-to-5k-week-by-week/
The idea (unsurprisingly) is that you go from not running, to running 5k in 9 weeks. It's a little bit of false advertising as I've been doing it for 4 months and I'm still not running 5k - but I am running for half an hour, which is the actual target it works towards. If you don't know, essentially you start by running for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds 8 times. It then builds until you are running for 30 minutes in a row. The biggest jump was around week 6 where you went from running for 8 minutes to running for 20 minutes - I was convinced that this wouldn't be possible, but was determined to give it a go - the sense of pride I had when I'd done it was almost sin worthy!
It has taken a very long time to get to the stage where I can say I 'enjoy' running - for most of the last 4 months I would said I've enjoyed the feeling of having run, but not the actual experience. Just a few times over the last few weeks I've actually found I've wanted to go for a run.
Determination and will power are key with this - it recommends doing three runs a week, I actually did a little more than this, as I decided I would run, without fail, every other day until I completed the course. Before I started I spent an obscene amount of money on expensive running shoes, to give me a further reason to continue, and sorted out clothes I could wear for running, regardless of the weather. I have run in a rain storm, in wind and on beautiful sunny days - fortunately I've missed any snow. The key is to keep going.
Just a quick note - the app doesn't really give you space to do stretching - please make sure you do as I've had a few problems along the way.
So, what are my top tips for losing weight?
Number one - work out what's going on emotionally. I think this has been the biggest thing for me, and without the motivation I wouldn't have succeeded.
Number two - Don't try to do everything at once. Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past I've come up with a spreadsheet showing what I'll eat, when I'll exercise and how much I'll lose by the end. It always failed because the expectations were too high.
Number three - find a diet that works and that you enjoy. I've watch a million diet programmes (possibly an exaggeration, but it's not far off) but I've tried many more beyond the ones at the top. Actually, for me I realised I was addicted to sugar. It may be you're addicted to cheese, or crisps or something else - whatever it is, find it, and stick to it.
Number four - find a way of exercising that works. It doesn't have to be running - although I have to say, you would struggle to find someone as anti running as I was - and I'm almost at the point where I enjoy it.
Number five - most important - keep going. Remember the goal you have in mind and be kind to yourself. Celebrate your wins, and don't focus too hard on your failures. Someone quoted an American preacher to me earlier about something else - she said "I'm not yet at the place I want to be, but I'm thankful to God that I'm no longer in the place I was" - I think this might become my new motto.
Good luck, and thanks for reading!
