I did a thing...

This is a departure from my usual blog posts - although there is still some 'God' in it - I am a vicar after all!

So those of you who have seen me, or my facebook picture, will have noticed a relatively dramatic change in me over the last few months - aside from that which comes from being honed into the perfect husband (ha) by Jess, the perfect father (ha ha) by Jacob, and the perfect curate (ha ha ha) by St Paul's.

I've lost a significant amount of weight - standard before and after photo below.

Why the blog?

Well, I've been asked about 10 times in the last 2 days how I've done it - the answer to this question is not one that can easily be given in a few moments caught in conversation. I'm writing this, in no means, by way of 'do this, and you, like me, can lose a life changing amount of weight' - I'm writing this, both for myself - and also, I hope, so you can understand a little more of my own journey with food/weight. If it helps you, then great - if it just sends you to sleep, well enjoy the rest!

Some History

I was, in fact, not at my heaviest in this photo on the left - here I was around 230lb (16st 6lb, 104.32kg), and the heaviest weight I've been was when I was ordained in 2017 when I was 242lb - (17st 4, 109.79kg). In truth, I've spent most of certainly the last 10 years (for how long I've been keeping track) at around the 230lb mark - and so the picture is a good indication of how most who have known me will have seen me.

Whilst I was a normal weight as a young child, I was overweight by the time I was 12/13 and have often straddled the BMI barrier between overweight and obese since then.

I've had two 'successful' (ish) attempts at losing weight in my life. One when I was 17, when - because of a love interest, I gave up meat. Given I didn't eat vegetables, this meant my diet consisted exclusively of Linda McCartney sausages, potatoes and cheese - whilst the BMI calculator told me I was 'healthy' I'm not convinced with a diet like that, it could ever have been considered 'healthy'. As soon as the love interest wained, so did my desire to be vegetarian. In eating meat, I suddenly (and unsurprisingly) put on all the weight.

The second attempt was not all that long ago - I got down to 207lb (14st 11lb, 93.89kg) in the later part of 2015. Sadly, shortly after I reached this weight (which I maintained for a couple of months) Jess and I experienced a miscarriage - as I'll explore shortly, my 'emotional' eating, led to me reaching, eventually, my heaviest ever weight of 242lb.

As of today I am 188lb this is 13st 6lb or 85.26kg and crucially - for the first time since I was 17 - within the 'healthy' range for my height. I am not yet finished losing weight, my plan is to be a little under 13 stone (someone said yesterday, leave a little space for Christmas!) this means I can afford to put on a few pounds occasionally, whilst still being healthy. I am, however, not, as concentrated on the goal of losing weight as I was, but recognise that now begins the equally hard task of maintenance.


What hasn't worked

I mentioned above that I've been tracking my weight for 10 years, that isn't an exaggeration - in fact, I have been doing it for much longer, most of my adult life - I just have the records (mostly on my phone) for the last 10 years. This is because I've spent much of the last 10 years constantly aware of my weight, constantly aware of the health risks it poses, and constantly trying different diets. I have, over time, tried Slimming World, Weight Watchers, 5:2 fasting, the Mediterranean diet, compassionate eating, and the 'don't eat anything other than healthy food and go to the gym a lot diet' (largely created by me, which is what saw me lose the weight in 2015).

All of these diets have a number of flaws, the main one being I get bored really easily, and when you get bored or when life gets tough - you slip back into old habits.

What has worked this time

The weight loss has been gradual but also in stages - I began to lose weight after I was ordained in 2017, firstly by simply being careful - here I got down to my normal 'low' weight of 220lbs 99.79kg, 15 stone 10. This is a weight I've been at a number of times, and one I could achieve fairly easily by being a little more careful. It made a reasonable difference on the way I looked and felt - and given I'd started at 242, represented nearly 10% of my body weight (Weight Watchers initial goal).

I then got a bit stuck and was still at 220lbs in January this year.

A number of things happened in January which spurred a renewed energy for weight loss. They come under 3 categories - each, I think are important.

Emotional

I've hinted above that weight loss, for me, has had an emotional connection - this has always been the case, and I suspect my weight gain as a child has some connection with the loss of my father when I was very young. Food has always been a reward for me, and a way of 'comforting'. Somewhat oddly, I would get low about the fact I was fat, and I'd make myself feel better - temporarily at least - by eating a burger, or a large bar of chocolate - and then I'd feel even worse for the same!

I know these were poor thought processes, but as with many of these - it's hard to get out of it.

I did three things, all around the same time which changed my thinking -

Firstly, as I begun the 'Bible in One Year' - I was struck, afresh by Jesus' words "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word which comes from the mouth of God" - this reliance on food as my 'crutch' was, I realised, counter to God's design for me - and it should be Him who I rely on in times of difficulty. Whilst I can't honestly say that in the moment, I have never again 'comfort eaten' in the last 6 months - it has given me the motivation to think differently about how I respond to the difficult times which I've continued to have.

Secondly I read an article online (which sadly I've been unable to find) which said that the number one reason people fail to lose weight is that they start a diet, get bored or have a bad day/weekend/week or even month, put back on much of the weight they've lost and then give in. I was preparing a preach at the time, and realised the similarity between this - and sin. The reason people get caught into a web of sin, is they do something they shouldn't and suddenly think, if only subconsciously 'oh well, I've done it once - I may as well continue'. This fairly basic statement became very real to me for the first time - and I realised what I should have realised a long time ago, that if I slip (which I have a number of times over the last 6 months) it isn't a reason to give up - it's a reason to pick myself up, perhaps work a little harder for a few days, and to keep pressing on.

The third reason is probably the most important emotionally. In January we found out that the baby Jess was carrying (yay) was a girl. I was hit by a range of emotions, including a memory of my sister's wedding day, and a feeling of sadness that I had that her father (and mine) wasn't there to walk her down the aisle. My dad passed away because of a heart issue caused by his lifestyle (both weight and smoking). I was determined at that point, that this wasn't going to be the story for our daughter (or indeed Jacob, my son). This motivation has also been key in the 'picking myself up again' which I talked about in the previous point.

So, that was the reasoning behind the push this year - but the simple science remains. It's not possible to lose weight unless the net number of calories you exert is greater than the number of calories you input into your body. Any fancy diet boils down to this simple maths!

Diet

In late December I watched a couple of YouTube videos about sugar, the best one is a BBC documentary from 2015 found here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4LzSH9qU_Q

I was a little surprised to hear a number of things through these programmes.

1) That sugar is, almost literally, in everything we eat - it's added to make food last longer and taste better.
2) That we, as a nation and the western world, are addicted to sugar.
3) That sugar is fast catching up with smoking as the number one cause of death (through diabetes and weight) in this country (it may even have now overtaken, I've not checked).

I love sugar, I love sweet things, I love chocolate - but I began to wonder through watching these programs if I was addicted to sugar. One of them showed someone taking part in a sugar fast - and I committed to do this over the next month.

In fact, spurred on from the motivation above, I managed 6 weeks in which I ate no added sugar. I allowed myself fruit (although given I was still a 17 year old a heart, this was more, I ate fruit, rather than allowed) and didn't worry about sugar which natural occurs - but didn't have added sugar, or a similar product (including honey/syrup). I'm very grateful, especially to Jess, for the faff that this was for our daily diet!

You go through a number of different stages - from the expected withdrawal symptoms (I had shakes and headaches, and my bowels did not wish for me to give up sugar) to an emotional hatred of the stuff - I'm still angry with ASDA who have no sugar in their normal breadsticks, and yet have put sugar in their 'kids small breadsticks' - WHY?!

One of the most interesting things, once I'd got through the initial couple of weeks, was I discovered I wasn't hungry anywhere near as much as I had been. I would eat three meals a day, and in those 6 weeks, didn't eat particularly healthy food (I regularly had bacon on no added sugar bread (which is really hard to find - Waitrose Farmhouse being my favourite) but I still lost weight because I wasn't eating anywhere near what I had been.

After 6 weeks, I'd lost another 10lbs, and felt even better than I had before. I was nearly back to the weight I'd been in 2015 and able to wear some of the clothes I'd purchased at that time.

I then took a break (as explained below) for a couple of weeks until the end of March. Despite going back to eating sugar, I maintained the weight I had managed to lose.

I now eat sugar most days, but rarely eat any after around 2pm (the same rule I have with coffee) - we try to buy 'sugar free' alternatives where possible, but we don't allow it to stop us eating out (which is nearly impossible when you are strictly sugar free by the way - GBK burger on an vegan (sour dough) bun is the only thing I found - again not healthy, but sugar free!). Doing this means that I don't 'snack' late into the evening - which on the days when I fail (which are occasional) I find I then do again. Having a bar of chocolate at 7pm means I'm hungry again at 7:30pm and again, and again, and again.

Exercise

One of the key differences this time to last time has been the fact that I didn't try to do everything at once. Being sugar free for 6 weeks was incredibly hard, and so aside from walking to work occasionally - I didn't even try to do any additional exercise. Once I'd settled into a diet which worked for me, which was basically eating what I liked, but just watching sugar (in early March) I decided that I also need to improve my heart health with some form of exercise. I'd tried running in the past and hated it, and enjoyed the Gym - but always found the hardest part of the gym was summoning up the will power to leave the house.

I decided I'd give the couch to 5k programme another try - this is an NHS led programme which you can find more details of here -

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/couch-to-5k-week-by-week/

The idea (unsurprisingly) is that you go from not running, to running 5k in 9 weeks. It's a little bit of false advertising as I've been doing it for 4 months and I'm still not running 5k - but I am running for half an hour, which is the actual target it works towards. If you don't know, essentially you start by running for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds 8 times. It then builds until you are running for 30 minutes in a row. The biggest jump was around week 6 where you went from running for 8 minutes to running for 20 minutes - I was convinced that this wouldn't be possible, but was determined to give it a go - the sense of pride I had when I'd done it was almost sin worthy!

It has taken a very long time to get to the stage where I can say I 'enjoy' running - for most of the last 4 months I would said I've enjoyed the feeling of having run, but not the actual experience. Just a few times over the last few weeks I've actually found I've wanted to go for a run.

Determination and will power are key with this - it recommends doing three runs a week, I actually did a little more than this, as I decided I would run, without fail, every other day until I completed the course. Before I started I spent an obscene amount of money on expensive running shoes, to give me a further reason to continue, and sorted out clothes I could wear for running, regardless of the weather. I have run in a rain storm, in wind and on beautiful sunny days - fortunately I've missed any snow. The key is to keep going.

Just a quick note - the app doesn't really give you space to do stretching - please make sure you do as I've had a few problems along the way.

So, what are my top tips for losing weight?

Number one - work out what's going on emotionally. I think this has been the biggest thing for me, and without the motivation I wouldn't have succeeded.

Number two - Don't try to do everything at once. Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past I've come up with a spreadsheet showing what I'll eat, when I'll exercise and how much I'll lose by the end. It always failed because the expectations were too high.

Number three - find a diet that works and that you enjoy. I've watch a million diet programmes (possibly an exaggeration, but it's not far off) but I've tried many more beyond the ones at the top. Actually, for me I realised I was addicted to sugar. It may be you're addicted to cheese, or crisps or something else - whatever it is, find it, and stick to it.

Number four - find a way of exercising that works. It doesn't have to be running - although I have to say, you would struggle to find someone as anti running as I was - and I'm almost at the point where I enjoy it.

Number five - most important - keep going. Remember the goal you have in mind and be kind to yourself. Celebrate your wins, and don't focus too hard on your failures. Someone quoted an American preacher to me earlier about something else - she said "I'm not yet at the place I want to be, but I'm thankful to God that I'm no longer in the place I was" - I think this might become my new motto.

Good luck, and thanks for reading!

New Year's Thought for the day - Journeys

I was invited back again to do Thought for the Day on BBC Radio and Coventry, you can listen to it here - or read the transcript below.

Today is Epiphany – the day when the church traditionally celebrates the visit of the wise men to Jesus. It’s also the 12^thday of Christmas, the end of the Christmas season, and when most people take down their decorations. 

In our house, it’s the only day in the year when the beautiful wooden nativity set that I have, looks complete. My mum was a Sunday school teacher, and alongside insisting I played Gabriel every year, because Gabriel was a boy and I was the only boy she could bribe to do it - she was also ways very strict about the nativity set. She insisted that each of the characters, including the shepherds, Mary and Joseph and even Jesus needed to journey from various parts of the house and only reach the stable on their appropriate day. Because my mum is a little forgetful at times, this often led to hours of searching on Christmas day because she had hidden the baby Jesus and then forgotten where she’d put Him!

As I looked at my set, complete this morning, I thought about the fact that all of them there, not just the wise men who we think about today - went on journeys to that stable. Before they met Jesus, they had long, perhaps at times, difficult journeys ahead of them.

Our lives too can feel like a bit of a journey. It’s a well worn analogy but we often say when times are hard, that it feels like a bit of an uphill struggle. As we begin this new year, I wonder how your life feels at the moment? For me, if I’m honest, life feels fairly easy right now– I’m grateful for that, and very aware that there have been times, not that long ago, when that’s not been the case.

When I used to go cycling, a good number of years ago now, I remember when someone came with me, the whole journey felt so much better. It wasn’t necessarily that the hills were any easier to climb, or that I went faster as I went down the other side – but it was certainly better. 

My own life journey has been greatly improved because of Jesus journeying with me.  

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’ve come from or what you’ve done; what you think of God, yourself or even what others think of you –Just as all those in that stable journeyed to Jesus, he longs for us to journey to Him, and to know Him walking with us as we journey on.  

Many of us, by now, will be back at our places of work, or back into the normal rhythms of life – with Christmas and New year quickly becoming a distant memory. Perhaps a few of us have already given up on the New Year’s resolutions, re-hit the chocolate and lost our gym membership cards! 

Before the season ends completely on this 12^thday of Christmas and before you spend a few hours looking for somewhere to put those 12 drummers drumming that have almost certainly been delivered this morning – I’d love to invite you stop, and find a little more than the moment of peace we’ve had together and to journey to that stable once more – because to paraphrase a famous advert, Jesus is not just for Christmas, He loves you and He longs to be involved in the whole of your journey.

Where and when do you find your peace?

This morning, on BBC Radio Cov and Warwickshire I did thought for the day, based on the below blog post from a little earlier this year.

You can listen to it here - 


Read the transcript here, or the original post below.

Transcript

Well, I don’t know about you – but over the years I’ve become more and more attached to the various social media outlets that are around the place. I have a bit of a love hate relationship with them, sometimes using them all day long and sometimes deleting my profile for a few months however something about them always draws me back in the end.

I was really interested to see a few weeks ago, a little advert pop up on facebook, which said – and I quote – Peace begins with us, according to them - Facebook is the place where Peace can be found.

I’m not entirely sure this is true. You may be aware that September is now designated as Scroll Free – this is a new initiative by Public Health England to try and encourage us to put away our phones for the month, and particularly to stop using social media.

This comes as a result of their survey last year in which nearly half of social media users said they thought meeting this challenge would improve quality of sleep, face-to-face relationships, work productivity and general wellbeing - and there's plenty of evidence to show they're right.

I think most of us are getting to the point where we realise this, we know that extended time on our phones or on social media is less productive for us. But if Facebook, or twitter or any of the others is not the place the place we can find peace – I wonder if we know where is.

Life as a curate in a busy town is a lot of fun, but it can be really busy. It’s very easy for me, as I’m sure it can be for most of us – to lose that sense of Peace which we need. 

God knows this, and I’m sure this is why the scriptures tell us God says we need to ‘Be Still, and know that He is God’. 

This is a very famous verse and I’ve often I’ve seen it written with very swirly handwriting on posters. It usually has an image in the background of some calm and reflective landscape. We can almost imagine it being said very calmly – be still. And it may be, that for some, that is a really helpful way to understand these words, and you may have images like this on your wall at home, if you do, then bless you and I’m glad. 

I do wonder, if their might just be another way of understanding it.

I have a little dog, called Sammy who my friend describes as a perpetual motion machine. He hardly ever stops and I’m forever telling him to get in his bed so he’s out of my hair. 

Now if I were the psalmist who wrote those words, I might say to Sammy “Be still” in order to calm him down. But if I did, I would probably be unlikely to use that quiet and whispy voice, I would be more likely to say “Will you just be still”

I do just wonder if there is a lesson here for some of us. If some of us need to hear this as a command or an instruction, rather than a gentle suggestion.

How many of us are so busy – moving around so quickly – that we feel we have no time to be still, and no time to stop.

Facebook is not the place where Peace begins, nor is Twitter, Instagram or any of the rest – they don’t even come close. 

True peace comes from one place alone, the one who promises that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. If you're feeling out of peace - take some time out – more than just the minute or two we’ve had together this morning - however hard it is to find the time, and draw close to the one who promises, that if we are still and know that He is God, we will find our rest. 

Original Blog Post

If we are friends on Facebook then you may have spotted that I posted the below, which I saw earlier today....

This is perfect timing, as I had already begun to write this post...

Life as a curate is a lot of fun, I'm enjoying getting to know people and sharing their lives with them. It does however, also have it's sadnesses - and just at the moment I've found myself walking with a couple of different people, or groups of people, who are having a very difficult time of it. I spent around an hour talking to one of these on the phone earlier this week. This was an absolute privilege and pleasure but as I came to the end of the conversation I realised just how heavily their situation, and the others, were weighing on me. 

I had a problem however, it was 11am, I had 2 hours before my day "properly" started with meetings which ran into the evening - and I still had no talk for the next mornings service.

I'm someone who always tries to focus on the 'most immediate need' and so for about 30 minutes I tried to ignore these feelings and battled through trying to work out what I would say the next day, but I couldn't. The weight was too heavy. 

So I put down my pen (figuratively speaking) and lay on my sofa to rest, pray and 'soak' in some favourite worship music. 

An hour and a half later I still had a lot to do (and still no talk for the next day) but was in such a different place. I had found peace - A peace which is well summed up in John's Gospel "My Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

The rest of the day went easily, and when I got home from my evening meeting a talk appeared in my head which was easy to write down. 

It was, without question the right thing to do - to stop - but I had really resisted it. As I reflect, I'd probably, truthfully, been resisting it for a few days, and 'powering on through' rather than stopping and allowing myself to be refreshed properly. 

When asked about my view of pastoral ministry as I was working out this calling stuff, the definition I found most helpful was that of L shaped ministry. It's called this because you visualise it by holding one arm out in front of you, the other to the sky. The idea is that you receive things from 'people' and give them to God, and you receive things from God and give them to 'the people'. As priests (and by this, I probably mean people of priests, rather than those of us who are ordained) we are a conduit, an interceder and a message giver. We are not the one either to carry the burdens, nor (fortunately) the ones with all the answers. We stand as a bridge, but we need to ensure it doesn't get backed up with traffic.  

So, my point?

Facebook is not the place where Peace begins, it's not even close. True peace comes from one place alone, the one who promises that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. If you're feeling out of peace (like I was) take some time out, however hard it is to do, and draw close to the one who gives rest. 

One of the songs I listened to is this "old classic" (as in it is pre-2000) Hungry by Joy Williams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLz36m8Mw2g

Being Brave

I'm preaching on Esther this week at our all age service, and there are a number of things I think it teaches us - one of them, I've been thinking about quite a bit recently, being brave.

The story of Esther is a great one, as you will know she risks her own life to go before the king – knowing ultimately that it was the right thing to do. 

Now I’ve never had to risk my own life in order to do what’s right – and truthfully I hope I never need to, but if I’m ever called to do so, I hope I’ll make the right decision. 

There are people all around the world who do risk their lives every day for Jesus - and if you don't pray for them regularly, please do so. I can really encourage you to subscribe to Open Doors who will help you to know who to pray for particularly. 

As I’ve said, I think the story of Esther also teaches us we need to move our of our comfort zones. To step out. 

A couple of days ago I was on a tube in London and I really sensed God ask me to pray for an older man who was sat next to me. 

Before you get the idea that this is a regular every day occurrence for me, I don’t do this very often. Also, because I'm human and not very obedient I spent a long time on the tube praying the man would either get off before I had chance, or that something else would happen – but the man stayed on the train with me right to my stop - all that happened as I prayed was that more and more people around us got off so in the end it was just me and him in the carriage.

In the end, I plucked up the courage and talked to him. He was a bit surprised, he wasn’t a Christian, but he did let me pray for him about something which was going on in his life.

I’ve no idea what will happen in that guys life next, but I also know I don’t need to worry -  I have a close friend who became a Christian because three times in the same week random strangers came up to him and talked to him about God and prayed with him. Perhaps I was person number one or two for that old man.

Now I don’t share that story so you can bask in my braveness (is that even a word?) – it wasn’t especially brave, although it felt like it at the time. Equally, I could tell you a thousand stories where I haven't done what I should have done, and will probably be able to tell you another 1000 in a few years time – but this experience led me to realise that it’s OK to be brave, no one died. In telling you, I hoped it might encourage you as well. 

The last thing I want to leave us with is why we do all this stuff in the first place. We’ve read that Esther was a queen who was willing to risk her life in order to save her people. 

There was however a man who lived after Esther, Jesus – he was a king, but he wore a different sort of crown. 

He is the King of all Kings, and He did die in order to save his people – we are the people He died for, the ones who have been saved.  

Esther’s story hints at the story of Jesus, she like him, was willing to do what was right - regardless of the consequences. I know that I for one, need to be just a little bit more like them...

A small request (or rant) to the church... please stop calling God incredible...

I've just arrived home from New Wine having visited a few in our church family who decided the week one dates were better and visited a couple of the talks. It has been a great day, but today I finally broke.... Please forgive this minor diversion from a thoughtful reflection for me to have a tiny rant.

I love language and I love how it develops. I also love how when in prayer we often try to describe an attribute of God, perhaps his love for us - but there is a word which has come into greater parlance over the last few years. That word is incredible. 

The word takes it's origin from two latin words, in - meaning not and credibilis - meaning credible - literally not credible. 

God is many things, He is Almighty, He is Powerful, He is Patient, He is Generous. 

But He is not incredible. 

God is credible - his word is credible. To describe him as incredible devalues who He is, what He did for us.

Whilst it might seem a small thing, unworthy of rant, I truly believe our words have power. We need to use them wisely. 

That's it, I said it was short!

All the world needs now...

I've been away for a little while, I'm not sure anyone has missed me - but now I've returned from holiday I'll try and be a bit better.

I've been reflecting a lot on this passage just recently from 1 Corinthians 13 - you'll probably know it well, but please - read it through.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poorand give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

This is one of my most favourite pieces of scripture. It's regularly used in weddings, although as far as I know none of my couples who are getting married this year have chosen it, so perhaps it's become a bit "over used" and fallen out of favour a bit.

Now of course, we can see why it's popular for weddings, but I think the lesson's it can teach us go well beyond the love that those who get married feel for one another. 

Jesus commands us all to Love God and Love our Neighbour, saying these are the greatest commandments. Now this was never intended to be the place for me to write a full on sermon, maybe those at St Paul's will be fortunate (or not) enough to hear me reflect on this passage further at a future date - but for now, I offer it to you to think over. Have a read again. 

I was really pleased to go in and offer this week's 'Thought of the Day' as part of Justine Greene's BBC Radio Coventry show this morning. This passage was very much in my heart as I prepared. You can listen to it here, or read it below.

I promise, I'll be back...

https://soundcloud.com/adam-tams/thought-of-the-day

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about weddings and about love this week, and a passage which is often chosen in weddings is that famous one from 1 Corinthians 13. I’m sure you’ll have heard it, it’s the one where St. Paul describes the many attributes of Love: He says it’s patient, it’s kind – it doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud or rude or selfish. It isn’t easily angered and it keeps no records of wrong.

As we’ve looked at the news over the last few weeks, we’ve seen stories which can really warm the heart – Just an example, I’m not a big football fan – but even I was inspired by the team work shown by the England team. At various times, we saw how generous the players were to one another, holding their love of the game, their country – and more importantly, each other, far above any selfish ambitions.

But often when we look at the news - love is a bit harder for us to see. I wonder how our world stage would look if those in positions of leadership on all sides showed a bit more kindness and a bit more patience towards one another.  

This lack of love isn’t just out there in the big wide world. I suspect we can all think of people who at some point in our lives have treated us in a less than loving way. Perhaps we can also think of people who we’ve failed to love as we should have done. 

Now, of course - loving one another isn’t always easy. In the wedding service in this country, we use the words “I will” rather than the American “I do” that we see in all the films. This is because Love is far more than a feeling which can be measured day by day. Love is a commitment, here the couple sayI will love you, I will be the best spouse I can be.

And of course, love goes well beyond the love which some of experience when we get married. Jesus tells us that Loving God, and Loving our Neighbour are the greatest commandments. Regardless of who we need to show more love towards, sometimes it will take work.

There was an 8th Century christian monk who decided that he wanted to change the world. After a while he concluded that was a bit hard, so he decided to just try and change the nation. This was a bit hard as well, so he decided to just try and change his town. Unsurprisingly, this was nearly impossible so he decided to just try to change his family. 

By this point he was quite old, and he realised the only thing he could change was himself. As they began to do this, he realised that had he done this to start with, he might well have changed his family. If that had happened, he may well have seen change in the town, which in turn may have changed the nation and possibly the world. 

I love that story, because it reminds us of the truth that often that largest changes can come from the smallest of acts.

Love comes from God, 1 John 4 says that God IS Love, and those who live in Love live in God, and God lives in them. We are all, each and everyone one of us, extraordinarily loved by God.

I want to reflect the love that God has for me into the world by the way I treat others. By doing these small acts of love, I might just change the culture of those around me – and in that, we might have more impact than we realise. I wonder, will you join me?

Too busy not to blog…

Well I’ve been quiet for a little bit on here – sorry about that! On the 14^th of November I spoke at St Paul’s on Psalm 46, those famous words “Be Still and Know that I am God”.

I’m never one to blow my own trumpet, usually falling more on the side of self-deprecation for comic effect (perhaps a topic for another time) but this was one of my better talks. It warmed my heart to overhear someone say to their friend a week later “did you hear Adam’s talk last week, it was really good”.

Ironic then, that one of the reasons I haven’t blogged is because I simply haven’t “had” the time. Perhaps more importantly, alongside not having the time to blog, I’ve also not “had” much time in the last couple of months to be still for myself.

I meet with a mentor in London every 6 weeks or so – these times are incredibly valuable to me for a huge variety of reasons - not least because on the train journey as I go there, I get to look back at the last few weeks since the last time I went, and think about how I’m doing with my own journey with God.

I did this yesterday, and was more than a little disappointed with my own inability to listen to my own words. When in the last few weeks had I allowed myself time and space, truly to ‘be still’?

I used the quotation marks above to make a valid point. I’m so fortunate to do the job that I do, and largely have control over my own diary. It is therefore not the case that I haven’t “had” the time, either to blog, or more importantly to be still, it’s more that I haven’t made the time.

I very much appreciate that some people don’t have this luxury – but we all have ‘free time’ (and if you don’t, then you need a serious re-evaluation of life!). I suspect, if you’re anything like me, then you probably manage to find time to do other things which are much less important, be that watching a terrible soap (obviously I don’t do this!) or playing games on our phones.

There is a preacher's favourite illustration for this. Normally they get a large bucket and fill it with rocks, they then ask if they could fit any more in and everyone says no – then they put gravel in the bucket, around the rocks – again they ask if more could go in, and everyone says no – then they add sand, and this time everyone thinks, surely there is no more room – until water is added.

The point of this illustration is that it matters massively what the rocks are, and that you put those in first. If spending time with God, isn’t one of those rocks, it’s easy to run out of room.

We all need to disconnect ourselves from the busyness of life, from our phones, and from the world around us, and learn to just Be Still. You may do this already, or the thought of it might fill you with dread.

When I talked on this topic, someone said to me “I can’t do silence, I’m too much of an extrovert” It’s important to be clear that stillness, and being Still with the Lord is different to Silence. What I’m talking about here is the need to retreat. Often it will need us to be silent, but sometimes it may just need us to stop focusing our energy, our thoughts and our time on other things, and just to focus on God.

I spent a couple of hours in ‘stillness’ this morning – I began, as I often do, by listening to some worship music and allowing myself to soak in it.

For clarity - this is also different to times spent studying the word, and interceeding - all of which, you may be pleased to note - I've continued to do, and indeed am doing more and more of. This is about retreat - I've known churches do weekends away called "retreat to advance" - I love that idea of us needing to be still, in order to sustain us.

How you do ‘retreat’ isn’t important, making it one of the big stones is, one of the things which is a priority - rather than an afterthought.

So, this is certainly a case of ‘physician heal thyself’ – I know I need to reassess the ‘rocks’ in my bucket. I hoped, by writing this, it might encourage you to do the same. 

If I were to offer two pieces of advice (from my poor experience), it would be firstly to find time each week (at least) to be still – to retreat – and to really rest – put this in the diary, and don’t let other things get in the way of it (I’ve done this).  My second piece of advice would be to have someone to whom you're accountable, it doesn’t matter who, but have someone or a group of people who will ask you how you’re doing.

I hope you find it as fruitful as I do.